


losing you

by ryuchaengs



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Angst, F/F, Possibly Unrequited Love, but also sorta fluff, ryeji - Freeform, ryujin chaeryeong also assassins, ryujin chaeryeong besties, ryujin yeji also besties, squint for chaeryuna, yejisu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:28:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuchaengs/pseuds/ryuchaengs
Summary: to most people, ryujin is the most cold hearted and reliable assassin there is. pay her dues and she'll carry out the job, regardless of who the target is. (at least, that's what ryujin likes to tell herself.)
Relationships: Choi Jisu | Lia/Hwang Yeji, Hwang Yeji/Shin Ryujin, Lee Chaeryeong/Shin Yuna
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	losing you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ryujinies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryujinies/gifts).



> my first assassin au hehe i wrote this for a friend so uhmmm if there are a bunch of mistakes bear with me....  
> nevertheless i hope you enjoy!

"Geez, look at you.”

Chaeryeong stared at Ryujin as the latter stumbled out of the small grey office, haggard and with visible bruises lining the side of her face. “What happened to you? Tough one this time?”

“That, and the guy wasn’t too happy to see me right now,” Ryujin muttered, rubbing her neck. She looked around them distastefully, her cold eyes taking in the little kids and couples seated around the bland waiting room. “How are his patients gonna feel when they know their favorite doctor hired someone to take out his wife? ‘Course, I told him visiting him like this could take care of two things at once, y’know. Told him how I took her out and in return he treated my injuries for free.”

“Was his wife skilled in martial arts or something?” Chaeryeong asked, getting up from her seat and throwing the flimsy magazine she had been flipping through down to the floor. Ignoring the looks they were given, both of them made their way out of the waiting room, walking out of the building before exchanging any more words. “Well, he wanted me to take her out by slipping something into her drink, and you know how long this job took me,” Ryujin said, wincing as she gingerly touched her bruises. “I had to gain her trust and all that crap. I guess I was a little out of it this time. She saw me slipping the poison into her drink, got mad at me, started yelling the usual. Thought we were friends and all. I had to restrain her and she managed to get in a few punches. Don’t know what I was thinking.”

“So you forced the poison down her throat?” Chaeryeong lowered her voice as they passed a police officer, nodding to him cheerfully. Ryujin waited until the officer was out of sight before replying. “Not really. It was messy. I had to use that silencer I don’t like. The pistol.”

“The one I gave you.” Chaeryeong rolled her eyes, huffing. “You never appreciate anything I give you.”

“Whatever. I don’t like using guns.”

“And yet you’re more than willing to be a sniper and gun someone down from miles away.”

“Look, that’s different.” They stopped in front of a large building; a university teeming with students. Ryujin held out her hand. “Clothes?”

“You’re really gonna go to class after this?” Chaeryeong laughed, shaking her head. She slid the bag she had been carrying off her shoulder and unzipped it, tossing Ryujin a fresh pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt, one that definitely was way too big for her. Ryujin glared at Chaeryeong. “I can’t possibly fit in this.”

“Figure it out, university girl. This is the fashion these days!” Slinging her bag back on, Chaeryeong gave her a wide grin. “I’m off now. I’d come to class with you but I got a job. It should be quick. I’ll be home late, though; I’m going to get dinner with some friends.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ryujin waved her off, watching as Chaeryeong walked away. Taking a deep breath, she entered the university, slipping into one of the bathrooms and locking the door behind her. Chaeryeong had a point when she had asked Ryujin if she really was going to go to class right after finishing a job – and with so many bruises on her face. Ryujin rarely attended class after or before a job. It was too risky. She was already known as one of the most stealthy and reliable assassins to those who cared, but to those who didn’t, it would be obvious that she was involved in something sketchy if she showed up to class dressed in all black – which she rarely did – or if she showed up clearly hurt. Thanks to Chaeryeong, she was able to change out of her tattered black outfit into clean jeans and a white t-shirt, but she was still showing up with injuries.

And there was only one reason behind that.

Stuffing the black clothes into the trash can, Ryujin quickly washed her hands and carefully exited the bathroom, making sure no one was watching her. The hallways were empty; she was late for class, but the professor wouldn’t care. It especially helped that she had done a job for him before. Even university professors had a thirst for seeing someone else die. Luckily for them, Ryujin couldn’t care less. It was her job. Deliver the money and she’d deliver someone’s death; a real life grim reaper.

She hesitated in front of the doors to the room. Was there even any point in going? She could afford to miss this class. No one would do anything to her…no one, that is, except for the reason why she had shown up in the first place. The person why she had come right after a job, even though that was rare for her.

“Ryujin!” Upon hearing that familiar voice, so warm, so comforting, Ryujin burst into a wide smile. That, too, was rare for her. Not even Chaeryeong had seen her smile so hard – and Chaeryeong had lived with her for years. There was only one person, one reason, that could invoke any sort of emotion, any sort of happiness within Ryujin.

Hwang Yeji put a hand on Ryujin’s shoulder, panting. “You’re late too? God, I ran from home to get here. I accidentally over-slept…"

“I think you’ll be fine,” Ryujin said, turning to face her. Seeing Yeji’s face only made Ryujin smile even harder; there was just something so pure, so innocent about her friend’s face. Her smile dropped as her bruises started to ache again, and she winced. Yeji caught that immediately, eyes widening. “Ryujin? What – what happened?”

“I just fell down the stairs this morning,” Ryujin said. Yeji rolled her eyes. “Don’t give me that bull. Did you get into a fight before class or something? Is that why you’re late?”

“No, I swear…” Ryujin trailed off as Yeji took her hand, eyebrows furrowed stubbornly. “Come on. We’re gonna go to the doctor’s, or my place. You can’t go to class like this.”

“I already got treated…”

“Oh, you did?” Still clutching Ryujin’s hand, Yeji leaned in, face only inches away from Ryujin’s. “Huh. Whoever treated you didn’t do a good job. Still, you’re not going to class like this. We’re gonna ditch today.”

“You have to go to class, though!” Ryujin protested, trying to yank her hand out of Yeji’s grip, to no avail. Yeji wouldn’t let go. It was funny; the best assassin, someone who knew how to kill someone within five seconds, couldn’t escape a regular university student’s grip. Then again, Yeji wasn’t just any regular university student. Yeji was Ryujin’s friend. Yeji was Ryujin’s everything.

“You’re not going and I’m not either,” Yeji said, dragging Ryujin behind her as they left the building. She led Ryujin to her car and pushed her into the passenger’s seat, getting into the driver’s seat and looking over at Ryujin with that same stubborn look on her face. It was cute, Ryujin thought. “You need someone to look after you,” Yeji continued. “And who better than me, right? Your best friend for years? Oh, by the way, how’s Chaeryeong doing?”

No, Ryujin wanted to say. Yeji wasn’t just her best friend. Yeji meant more than that to Ryujin. Couldn’t she tell? She had always been the only one who could make Ryujin smile, cry, get angry. Chaeryeong never did that, and Chaeryeong wasn’t just a fellow assassin, she was like a sister to Ryujin. Couldn’t Yeji tell? “She’s fine, but she was called in for a shift, that’s why she didn’t come to class either,” Ryujin said, leaning back into her seat. Yeji only made her angry with how aloof she was. Everyone said so, that Yeji definitely was special to Ryujin. No one else could make Ryujin laugh as loudly as she did at Yeji’s jokes, and that definitely said something. Yet Yeji never listened and always said that she was just another friend.

She wasn’t just another friend. Ryujin had a lot of friends in her life, but Yeji wasn’t like any of those friends. And Ryujin couldn’t stay mad at Yeji forever.

She looked at Yeji, who was fumbling with her seatbelt. “Yeddeong,” she said quietly. Yeji stopped, meeting her gaze with a warm smile. “Yeah?”

“I want ice cream.”

The warm smile brightened, and suddenly it was as if the sun was shining down on Ryujin. “Got it. Let’s go.”

They drove to the small ice cream shop next to Yeji’s apartment. It was Ryujin’s favorite, for two reasons. The ice cream was good and the shop itself was like _their_ place. Countless memories shared there, countless tears and smiles and hugs. Countless times Ryujin hid her bloodstained jackets from Yeji, countless times she got called in for a job in the middle of deep conversations.

So maybe all the memories weren’t pleasant. But it was still their place.

Ryujin waited patiently in the car as Yeji quickly got them both ice cream in small cups; vanilla for Yeji and strawberry for Ryujin. She took a deep breath, inhaling the lingering traces of Yeji’s perfume – crisp strawberries floating in a sea of light cream. (Strawberry ice cream reminded Ryujin of Yeji.) It was sweet, yet soft; quiet, yet firm. It was Yeji. Ryujin wanted more.

Hwang Yeji was the only one who could break Ryujin’s shell and fill her thoughts. (And she’d be the only one who made Ryujin all corny and romantic. That was for sure.)

Almost as if she had been reading Ryujin’s thoughts, Yeji showed up, carefully holding their cups of ice cream in one hand and opening the door with another. “Here you go,” she said cheerfully, passing the strawberry ice cream over to Ryujin as she sat down. Ryujin took it, biting the inside of her cheek as her fingers brushed against Yeji’s. “Thanks.”

“It’s been a while since we came here, hasn’t it?” Yeji sat crossed-legged on her seat, scooping her ice cream with a small spoon and taking small bites. Ryujin watched Yeji’s lips close over the spoon, over and over again until she realized she had been staring. Blinking rapidly and silently willing her face to stop growing so hot, she turned to her own ice cream and took a bite. “Yeah. It has.”

“You need to come over more often.” Ryujin didn’t look up, even as she felt Yeji’s eyes on her. Those eyes, so bright, playful, innocent, kind…

Ryujin looked up. Yeji was smiling at her, head tilted. “It’s not that bad of an idea. You can stay over a few nights too, if you want. At least that way you won’t be getting in fights before class, and you can wake me up on time. Sounds perfect to me!”

Once upon a time, Ryujin would’ve accepted the offer in a heartbeat. But now? It could never be reality, just an idea just out of reach, now that she was an assassin. There was always the chance a job could go bad, and in that case, she couldn’t have anyone knowing the people she was close to. Chaeryeong was an exception; she could take care of herself. But Yeji? No, Ryujin had to protect Yeji. She could never lose Yeji, even if that meant losing opportunities to be with her. Nevertheless, Ryujin couldn’t deny Yeji either. She laughed quietly, not looking away from Yeji. “Yeah, okay. It’s perfect. Sometime soon, then.”

Yeji clapped in delight. “Great! I’ll cook for you and everything, and we’ll watch movies – you know, the horror stuff you like so much, and maybe a romantic comedy afterwards because I’ll need a break, and we’ll eat snacks at midnight, then we’ll sleep together, and you’ll wake up early and make me breakfast, and we’ll walk to class together…”

She prattled on, oblivious to the look on Ryujin’s face. Hell, Yeji was describing everything Ryujin ever wanted. She was practically narrating Ryujin’s dreams. Living such a domestic life with Yeji, in which Yeji finally realized she meant more to Ryujin than she thought, and Ryujin meant the same to Yeji…

“Ryujin, your phone is ringing.”

Yeji’s words jolted Ryujin out of her daze. Her phone was vibrating against her thigh in her pocket. “Right, uh,” Ryujin said, awkwardly handing Yeji her unfinished ice cream. “Give me a few minutes.”

She got out of the car and slammed the door behind her, taking a few steps away from the car before pulling her phone out and answering it. “This is Shin Ryujin.”

“You’ve got a new job.”

It was Chaeryeong’s voice on the other end of the phone, except she didn’t sound happy. There was no usual Chaeryeong-like positivity in her voice at all. Something was wrong. Ryujin clenched her jaw. “Why’d I get this call from you and not the guy who wants to hire me?”

“I just got home,” Chaeryeong said, her voice solemn. “There were papers slid under our door and a huge envelope full of cash. A lot more than what you usually get. Whoever’s hiring you is really, really rich.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why they never called me.”

“Look, the papers…they say there are instructions and details about the job, but you’re the only person who can read it. They seem pretty thorough. But the person added a little note for me too. It says that the police are already looking for him, so he wanted to get this last job done, and for you to be careful. If you can take your target out quickly, he’ll be in the wind and you’ll have all this money. Plus your reputation is going to benefit a lot from this, it says. I guess he’s some big-shot.”

Ryujin sighed, immediately realizing just who had hired her. All of her jobs were tiring, but this one would be a particular pain in the ass. “Ah, fuck. I know who he is.”

“Has he hired you before?”

“No. He’s just really well known. I’m surprised you didn’t recognize him immediately. It’s the rich former politician who’s on the run from the police. He’s loaded, but only because he scammed so many people, including the people working for him, and I’ve heard he was hiring assassins back then to take out his rivals and steal their money. It’s rumored that the police are about to catch him any day now, so no one’s willing to work for him anymore, regardless of the amount of money he offers.”

Chaeryeong was silent for a few seconds before speaking again, quietly and clearly awestruck. “That’s...that’s insane, Ryu. But you know what I’m going to say, aren’t you?”

Worry had seeped into Chaeryeong’s voice. This was big sister Chaeryeong, not deadly assassin Chaeryeong. Ryujin softened her voice as she reassured her friend. “It’s fine, Ryeong. I’ll be fine. I never turn down a job. I’ll be extra careful with this one.”

“Of course you’d say that,” Chaeryeong said, chuckling softly. “I know. I trust you. I’m just scared. If the police are about to catch him and you take this job, chances are they’ll catch you too. They’ll catch you and they probably won’t stop at you. They’ll come to me, they’ll go to the university, they’ll interrogate everyone. My friends, your friends. Our covers will be blown and everyone will be in danger. There’s a lot at risk here.”

A deep, dense doubt settled over Ryujin at Chaeryeong’s words. She would have to be careful, more than she usually was, and even with her skills and caution there was still a high possibility that she would be caught before taking out her target. That would be the first domino to topple. From there, Chaeryeong would be caught, then the police would interrogate everyone associated with them. They’d interrogate Chaeryeong’s best friend, Yuna, who Ryujin knew was slowly starting to be more than just a best friend. They’d interrogate that girl who sat in between Chaeryeong and Ryujin in their psychology class, that quiet girl Jisu, who probably knew more about them than she let on. They’d interrogate Yeji. Ryujin grit her teeth, imagining the way Yeji’s face would crumple, the way her eyes would tear up. They’d break her.

But it was like Ryujin said. She never turned down a job.

“I understand that,” she said slowly, turning around to look at Yeji. The other girl was scrolling through her phone, and looked up upon noticing Ryujin, beaming at her and waving. Ryujin smiled warmly as she continued. “And I know that. I’ll do anything necessary to protect you. You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll be home in ten minutes.”

Hanging up, Ryujin walked back to Yeji’s car, getting in. “Seemed pretty serious,” Yeji commented, handing Ryujin’s ice cream back to her. “Everything’s okay, right?”

Ryujin sighed again, except this time, it was heavier. “Yeah,” she said, taking a bite of her ice cream. “I gotta go home. Can you drop me off?”

“Anything for you,” Yeji said, smiling. Ryujin could only look out of the window, avoiding Yeji’s gaze. Yeji would do anything for Ryujin, but little did she know Ryujin was doing everything for her. Everything necessary to protect her Yeji.

The drive was silent, but the silence was comfortable, only broken every few seconds by Yeji’s humming. The tension in Ryujin’s shoulders melted away, and she slid down her seat, as far as her seatbelt would allow. Yeji laughed. “Are you tired?”

“You could say that,” Ryujin said, staring into her now empty ice cream cup. “Hey, Yeji,” she said abruptly, straightening.

The car slowed to a stop at the curb. They were at Ryujin’s apartment, but Ryujin didn’t take her eyes off Yeji. Yeji looked at her, an eyebrow raised. “Yeah?”

“Can we do this again tomorrow? I mean, minus the ditching class part.”

It was beautiful, how Yeji would break into a sweet smile, her eyes shining. “Of course, Ryujin. Didn’t I say I’d do anything for you?”

God, Ryujin could drown in Yeji’s eyes. She _wanted_ to. She wanted to lose herself in Hwang Yeji’s eyes, she wanted to feel that smile against her forehead, against her cheeks, her lips. She wanted to live in this moment forever. She wanted –

“There you two are!”

Ryujin flinched, whipping around. Chaeryeong was standing directly outside the car, smiling at them. Her face was pale, though, and Ryujin didn’t miss how her eyes would flicker to Yeji every few seconds. Ryujin turned back to Yeji, reaching out and squeezing her hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you,” Yeji said softly, her smile seeming more intimate, as if it was only meant for Ryujin and no one else. Ryujin wondered if Yeji could tell just how much she liked that. She got out of the car, closing the door behind her and waving as Yeji pulled away.

Her own smile slipped off her face and her hand fell to her side as Yeji’s car disappeared around the corner. “Alright,” she said, turning to Chaeryeong. “What’s wrong?”

Chaeryeong grabbed Ryujin’s arm and pulled her to the apartment, heading up the stairs and kicking their door open. She pushed Ryujin into their room first and slammed the door behind her, locking it. Ryujin stared at her, bewildered. “Chaeryeong, what the fuck?”

“Look at the papers,” Chaeryeong hissed, stabbing a finger to the scattered papers on the floor. “Look at the damn papers.”

Her heart starting to pound faster, Ryujin bent down and picked the papers up. She skimmed the papers over, only seeing words that were part of the contract, her instructions, the weapons she was supposed to use. “I don’t get it. What’s so bad about these? Is it because I have to be a sniper again?”

“The last paper,” Chaeryeong said. Ryujin dropped the rest, holding the last paper in her damp hands. “The targets – so I have two targets this time? Okay, the targets have to be taken out from a distance. Trust needs to be built up beforehand...I need to take them both out with a gun...they should be at the same place, preferably sitting next to each other. They’re both university students...both share a few classes...one is the main target, the other is the side target. Their names...their names.”

The paper slowly drifted to the ground, wrinkled in the spots Ryujin was holding it. Her blood felt ice cold. She stared at Chaeryeong, but not in bewilderment this time. No, this time it was shock. Heart-stopping shock. “Chaeryeong,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Tell me I read that wrong.”

Chaeryeong didn’t move, other than to look down at the floor. Ryujin staggered over to her, gripping her shoulders, hands trembling. “Please, Ryeong,” she choked out, her vision growing blurry as tears welled up in her eyes. “Tell me that was wrong. Tell me I didn’t just read Yeji’s name on that paper.”

“Hwang Yeji is your main target and Choi Jisu is your side target,” Chaeryeong said monotonously. She looked up, and what shocked Ryujin even further was the immense rage in Chaeryeong’s eyes. “I knew there was something wrong about this. That’s why I read the papers, even if I wasn’t supposed to. Your best friend is your target, Ryujin. Our classmate is your other target. You have to kill the girl you love, for god’s sake. Now try and tell me you never turn down a job.”

Ryujin didn’t know how to respond. She let go of Chaeryeong and took a step back, heart plummeting. Her target was Yeji? She had to kill her Yeji? The girl she vowed to protect, the girl she wanted to keep away from this business? Yeji was her whole world. She couldn’t destroy her world...right?

“Remember that promise we made when we first started this job?” she said emotionlessly. Chaeryeong looked at her incredulously. “Are you telling me you’re going to take the job?”

Ryujin still didn’t know how to respond. “Shin Ryujin,” Chaeryeong said, her voice cracking. “Are you taking this job?”

“We promised, that we would do anything and everything to keep our loved ones out of our jobs,” Ryujin said. “We both knew that there was still a chance we’d have to do the unthinkable. And we promised each other that if something like that happened, we wouldn’t stop each other. We’d carry our duties through. Because if we didn’t, we’d die. Both of us would die. They’d kill us and everyone we knew.”

“That–” Chaeryeong broke off, taking a deep, shaky breath. “That doesn’t mean anything!”

“So you would rather have this man kill me,” Ryujin said, willing the tears falling down her face not to seep into her voice. “And then he’d kill you, and then he’d kill Yuna and Yeji and everyone we know. If he doesn’t kill them, then someone else will. You’d rather have that happen?”

“You’re taking the job, then.” Chaeryeong slid down to the floor, covering her face. Ryujin crouched down beside her. “I don’t know how to respond to that. But I know we made a promise, and I have no choice but to keep that promise.”

“You don’t know how to respond to that?” Chaeryeong took her hands off her face and looked at Ryujin, her anger replaced with sadness. “For god’s sake, you’re taking the job. You’re taking it, Ryujin. Just say you’re doing it.”

But they both knew Ryujin couldn’t say that. She couldn’t outright say she was taking the job. Because for her to say that was just her saying she was going to kill Yeji and Jisu. She was going to kill Yeji. She couldn’t say that.

That night, Chaeryeong didn’t come home. And Ryujin couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t get Yeji’s smile out of her mind.

“Yeji,” Ryujin said cautiously. “Do you know Jisu?”

They sat outside of their university, on one of the benches, ice cream cups balanced on their laps. Ryujin’s psychology class wasn’t for another two hours, and Yeji had decided to skip all her classes, just to spend time with Ryujin. Maybe she had sensed just how distraught Ryujin was – after all, it had been a week ever since Chaeryeong left. Even though she was safe with Yuna (as Ryujin found out through a brief text sent from Chaeryeong the day after she left) nothing felt the same. On top of that, Ryujin still hadn’t come to terms with her new job. She had to kill Yeji and Jisu no matter what, she knew that, but she couldn’t bring herself to accept it.

“Yeah, actually, I was going to talk to you about her,” Yeji mumbled around a mouthful of ice cream, her voice oddly bright. Not the same kind of bright it was around Ryujin. This was different. Ryujin narrowed her eyes, looking at Yeji. “Why?”

“Well, uh.” Yeji didn’t look up at Ryujin, smiling at the ground. That pure, sweet smile. It was always meant for Ryujin, but this time it held something different. It made Ryujin want to throw up. “Don’t tell anyone,” Yeji continued, setting her cup to the side and fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “But I think I like her, Ryujin. I really like her.”

Knowing she had to kill Yeji had made Ryujin’s heart stop. Knowing Yeji liked someone else made Ryujin’s heart simply grow heavy, heavier and heavier until it sunk, six feet under the ground. What pained her even further was that Yeji liked the other girl Ryujin was supposed to kill.

She wanted to get angry, to show that she was upset, to have an excuse to walk away, go home, cry in her bed. She wanted to call Chaeryeong, laugh through sobs that this was such a bitter coincidence. Tell Chaeryeong that she didn’t feel like doing anything at all anymore. All her attempts to keep Yeji close to her, to protect Yeji, were in vain.

But she couldn’t do that. She was Shin Ryujin, ice cold assassin. Shin Ryujin, who couldn’t break anymore. Shin Ryujin, who had taken a job that would be the end of her. Shin Ryujin, who was so hopelessly and madly in love with the girl sitting next to her. There was nothing she could do, but then again, had there ever been?

Quickly plastering an understanding smile to her face, Ryujin leaned towards Yeji, swallowing hard as Yeji’s strawberry perfume wafted over her. “That’s cute, Yeji,” she said, forcing the words out. “How long have you been talking for?”

“For months now, actually,” Yeji said quickly, looking almost apologetic at the surprised look on Ryujin’s face. “I guess we both really wanted to be friends with each other. I thought she was such a kind friend. Obviously, you’re my number one, but I loved spending time with her, too. And then I realized, a while ago, that I liked her in a different way from you. There was something more to it.”

_You’re my number one._ Ryujin knew better than that. She wasn’t Yeji’s number one. She had stopped being Yeji’s number one the second Jisu entered the picture. Despite that, she nodded and smiled, nodded and smiled, nodded and smiled. But she knew her smile had lost all of its love. It was fake. “I understand. I can relate.”

The words slipped out of Ryujin’s mouth before she had a chance to take them back. Yeji’s eyes widened, and she grinned playfully, nudging Ryujin with her shoulder. “Oh? Ryujinie likes someone? You never told me!”

“I guess I just realized it a while ago, like you,” Ryujin said, speaking uncontrollably. What was there to lose, right? What was there to lose when the person she liked was out of reach? _I’m losing Yeji, that’s what I have to lose._ “I spent a lot of time with them until I realized I was liking them in a completely different way. Same story.”

“And yet you seem so stoic talking about it,” Yeji pouted, sticking her tongue out at Ryujin. “Boooooo. Who is it? Who’s making you hide your feelings like this?”

Ryujin shrugged. With every second and every word exchanged, the urge to cry grew stronger and stronger. It was always Yeji who broke through her shell, who broke _her._ “You’re going to have to figure that out yourself. Besides, I think I’m going to get over them soon. Trust me.”

“There’s no fun in that!” Yeji said, standing up with her arms crossed. “Don’t you like the feeling, Ryujin? Talking with that person and getting lost in their eyes, watching the way they talk and just listening to them and falling more and more for them. When you think about them, your heart skips a beat, and you just want to see them, be with them. How happy they make you. How much you want to make them happy. Don’t you like all that?”

_How could I, when the person who makes me feel like that is just describing how she feels because of someone else?_ It was a bitter coincidence. Such a bitter coincidence. She grit her teeth and nodded again. Nodded and smiled. “Sure I do.”

Yeji opened her mouth, probably to say more, before quickly closing it and freezing. Ryujin turned around, something inside of her twisting painfully when she saw exactly who was walking towards them. Choi Jisu, smiling cheerfully, holding her books to her chest with one hand and waving with the other. Target number two. Jisu was to Yeji as Yeji was to Ryujin.

“Hi!” Jisu said happily, sounding suspiciously kind. She turned her unbelievably caring gaze onto Ryujin. “Excited for psychology, Ryujin? I kind of want to skip, but I don’t know where else to go.”

Ryujin didn’t even bother replying. She had already noticed how Yeji’s breath hitched when Jisu mentioned skipping, and wasn’t surprised when Yeji took a step forward. “I’m skipping all day today, actually. I wanted to keep Ryujin company, but she said she’s gotta go to psych. We could go somewhere together, if you’d like!”

Maybe, if Yeji’s feelings had been one-sided, Ryujin would’ve felt a whole lot better about this situation. Of course that couldn’t happen. Sometimes Ryujin hated that she could read people so easily, for what she was reading on Jisu’s face wasn’t platonic at all.

Of course Jisu liked Yeji back. And Yeji liked Jisu, and Ryujin liked Yeji, and would always like Yeji, probably even more than Jisu liked Yeji, but it was just as she thought. What could she do at this point?

“I’d love that,” Jisu said, suddenly mellow. Yeji smiled at her – a soft, sweet smile. A smile Ryujin wanted. A smile Ryujin wasn’t going to get anymore. “That’s great. I already know somewhere we can go. It’s a little ice cream place, right next to my apartment. Ryujin and I go there all the time.”

Ryujin thought the ice cream place was _their_ place. Apparently not anymore. Nothing that was Yeji’s was also hers anymore. Love made people forget things.

“Perfect,” Jisu said. She turned to Ryujin again, and the scent of peaches filled Ryujin’s nose. Peaches and strawberries. It was like Jisu and Yeji were made for each other. It hurt. “It’s okay if I can go, right?” Jisu asked, startling Ryujin. “To that place. It seems like it’s only for you and Yeji…”

In that moment, Ryujin wished she sensed some sort of malice in Jisu’s voice. Something smug, arrogant, something that told her that Jisu was just bragging about her closeness to Yeji. Something Ryujin could hate Jisu for, because god, she couldn’t take any more of this.

And she saw nothing except innocence and kindness. What Jisu showed was what she really was. A perfect match for Yeji. No wonder Yeji fell for her, Ryujin thought. It was a bittersweet coincidence now. “Of course you can,” she said in a friendly manner, giving the other girl a small smile. “I’ll tell you what you missed. Have fun.”

At Ryujin’s words, Jisu seemed to perk up, as if the approval had somehow relieved her. She nodded, returning Ryujin’s smile, and walked ahead with Yeji to Yeji’s car. Ryujin didn’t turn around to face them, not when she heard the doors close, nor when she heard the car drive away. Her eyes were shut tight, and the only thing running through her mind was the small glimpse she had caught, of Jisu reaching out to entwine her fingers with Yeji’s.

In another world, that would’ve been Ryujin holding Yeji’s hand. It would’ve been Ryujin who Yeji would talk about, and it would’ve been Ryujin who would’ve always seen Yeji’s smile and her sparkling eyes. No one else. In another world, Ryujin wouldn’t have lost Yeji.

Unrequited love and a pending request to kill two people she had to act on soon. If anything, Ryujin had expected the indirect rejection to strengthen her will. It only broke her. Yeji broke her.

She stood up, feeling exhausted, as if she had ran for miles and miles. It had been such a long day already. Ryujin didn’t know what to do. For the first time in her life, she was uncertain and emotional. Cold assassin Ryujin was merely university student Ryujin, grappling with a broken heart and the pressure of an unforgivable burden on her shoulders.

So when Chaeryeong approached her, coming to a stop in front of her and silently holding out her arms, it was natural for Ryujin to collapse into them. “Did you know, Chaer?” Ryujin whispered. “Did you know how far I’m gone? Did you know how badly I’m in love with Yeji?”

“Of course I did, Ryu,” Chaeryeong said, rubbing Ryujin’s back. “Of course I did. And I knew how hard it was for you, to tell me about our promise. I’m sorry. I understand now. Stay true to it. However hard it is…stay true to it. Do what you know you have to do.”

Ryujin was given exactly seven days in her contract. On the seventh day, she had to kill Hwang Yeji and Choi Jisu. There was no reason given. Just seven days and the directions to use a sniper.

On the first day, Ryujin stayed home. The second day, she went out with Yeji. The third day, she went out with Yeji. The fourth, Yeji. The fifth, Yeji.

Yeji, Yeji, Yeji. Oh, how Ryujin loved Yeji. She loved the way Yeji would talk about her passions, eyes shining and a carefree smile on her face. She loved how Yeji would always tuck her hair behind her ear every few seconds, blushing when Ryujin noticed. She loved Yeji’s strawberry perfume. She loved how Yeji wouldn’t go a day without wearing the small necklace Ryujin had bought her three years ago. She loved the way Yeji looked at her. She loved Yeji. How was she supposed to kill her?

She loved when Yeji was happy. Her laughter was like music and her smile was intoxicating. How was she supposed to kill Jisu, when Jisu made Yeji happy?

On the sixth day, Ryujin prepared with Chaeryeong to kill Yeji and Jisu.

“Let’s go over the plan again,” Chaeryeong said, her voice lowered even though they were sitting in their bedroom, the windows covered with bedsheets and the doors of every room securely locked. It was nearing midnight, and both Ryujin and Chaeryeong had skipped classes under the excuse of them both being ill in order to prepare for what was next. “Where are they meeting?”

“They’re having dinner at a sophisticated restaurant thirty minutes away,” Ryujin said, the information burned into her head. Though it wasn’t her intention (or rather, it had been, but unconsciously), the past few days spent with Yeji helped Ryujin to develop a plan. Yeji had told her more than she needed to know. It was okay now, though; Ryujin had steeled her heart. There was no more room for emotions. There was only the task ahead of her.

“Right. And you’re going to be there already, hidden upstairs in the room off limits to everyone,” Chaeryeong said. “The room will be clear of any workers, because I’ll have knocked them all out at the beginning of the dinner shift, along with the security. They only have five people posted along the staircase for the dinner shift. I won’t be hanging around after that, though. You’ll head there once I come back and clean everything up. Your gun will be in a large black bag that you’ll be carrying, and if anyone asks, just say you’re here to do maintenance upstairs. Then what?”

“I’ll put my gun together and prepare myself,” Ryujin said. “I’ll wait until the targets enter the room. Once they enter, I’ll focus on them. After fifteen minutes pass, I’ll take out the main target then the side target. I’ll escape from the back of the building and you’ll be nearby, and we’ll continue with our usual post-job procedure.”

“Good.” Chaeryeong hesitated before reaching out and resting her hand on Ryujin’s arm. “Hey. You’re okay, right?”

Ryujin was not okay.

But she nodded anyways. “I’m fine.”

Chaeryeong’s eyes softened in sympathy. “I’m sorry, Ryujin. Neither of us wants this, but…if we don’t, then we’ll all die, and more people will die, too. It’s just the risk we have to take in this profession, and we’re too deep in to get out. I promise I’ll have your back. I won’t lose you.”

Ryujin couldn’t care less whether she was lost or not, because she was losing Yeji. That was like losing herself and that was enough. She nodded again and got up, crossing the room to her bed. “I’m going to sleep. Good night.”

Ignoring Chaeryeong’s murmured “good night,” Ryujin buried herself under her blanket. She cried. She cried and cried until she felt like she didn’t have any more tears left. She cried so she would be devoid of any sadness. Her chest hurt and her cheeks ached, but she kept crying.

She spent the entire night crying. Physically, she stopped crying when the sun rose over the horizon on the seventh day. Mentally, she was still crying. It wouldn’t stop. She knew better than to force it to stop, though.

The day passed by in a hazy blur. Ryujin sat on her bed, hand placed atop the bag that contained her gun. It had been resting by the foot of her bed when she got up, meaning Chaeryeong had gone to get it in the middle of the night. Chaeryeong had heard her crying. Chaeryeong knew she was still crying. Chaeryeong didn’t say anything, because Ryujin knew, if the roles were switched, Chaeryeong would be crying, too.

At one point, Ryujin didn’t know, Chaeryeong disappeared for hours and hours. Probably to start the job. They never told each other when they’d start; they just carried on with whatever they had to do. Ryujin knew her job had started. Chaeryeong had gone to take care of the security for the dinner shift. The sunlight had melted into a warm orange, mingling with cool purple. Whenever Ryujin watched sunsets, she liked to think Yeji was the orange and she was the purple.

That was a thought for another time. Ryujin got up and slung the bag over her shoulder, trudging out of the room and closing the door behind her. She didn’t need to lock it; no one in the apartment would dare try to break in, anyways. Not after Yeji had made a public service announcement to them that her father was rich and would sue them all. One Google search was all it took to silence them.

How Ryujin willed Yeji to leave her mind. How she willed the scent of strawberries to fade away.

The walk to the restaurant felt like seconds. Ryujin only saw the sidewalk underneath her shoes and only felt a cold numbness. She paused in front of the restaurant and immediately met Chaeryeong’s eyes. The other girl stood in front of her, exchanging words with her gaze, before passing by her. For a split second, she stopped beside Ryujin. “The police will be around here, so be on alert,” she said, vanishing into the dark alleyway across from the restaurant. She didn’t know that those words meant nothing to Ryujin.

Instinctively, Ryujin slipped up the staircase, the room absent of any security and the few customers not sparing her a glance. She opened the door to the room and closed it behind her, wedging a chair underneath the handle to keep it locked. Her view from the room was blocked by curtains, but she was easily able to pull one to the side slightly, just enough so that her gun could peek out from behind them and she could get a good look.

She opened her bag and took out the gun parts, assembling them and making sure there were enough bullets. These were the same bullets that would be piercing through Yeji’s heart first, then Jisu’s. Within minutes, they’d be covered in blood. Yeji’s laughter would die out, and she would slump to the floor. Jisu would follow, eyes rolled back into her head, hand falling beside Yeji’s head. They’d be lifeless. Ryujin would’ve taken Yeji’s soul.

She shook her head and laid down, propping her gun up. Looking through the scope, she focused on an empty table in the middle of the room – and immediately regretted it.

For Yeji was sitting down in one of the chairs, wearing a long, silver dress, her dark brown hair curled and running down her back in waves, her lips curved into the happiest smile Ryujin had ever seen. This was Hwang Yeji, the girl Ryujin had loved and would love forever. She was beautiful.

Ryujin couldn’t bring herself to look at Jisu. She was fixated on Yeji, on how she laughed at something Jisu said, the light blush in her cheeks, the way she looked at Jisu with so much love in her eyes. She was happy, and only Jisu could do this. Not Ryujin. Never Ryujin.

Even so, Yeji’s happiness was everything to Ryujin. Yeji was her world. She would do anything to protect her world, and she would do anything to protect the girl who meant the world to Yeji.

Thirty minutes passed. Time had been up.

“There she is!” Ryujin didn’t turn to look at the man who had shouted that, nor did she turn at the footsteps that surrounded her. Slowly, she rose to her feet, raising her hands up in the air. They were grabbed and roughly brought down, handcuffs clicking around her wrists. “You’re charged with multiple first degree murders and the attempted murder of Hwang Yeji and Choi Jisu,” a man gruffly said. “Shin Ryujin, you are under arrest.”

When Ryujin watched sunsets by herself, she thought of herself as that cool purple next to the warm orange. When she watched them with Yeji, she realized she wasn’t the purple. She was the bright pink hovering above the orange, protecting the orange, fueled by the orange, soaking into the orange to make a new color. A new color that was Yeji and Jisu, their future together secured.

Ryujin always knew she was too in love with Yeji to lose her. She would never lose Yeji. As long she kept the memory of Yeji smiling at her, looking at her with such warm, loving eyes, she wouldn’t lose Yeji.


End file.
